But what is it again?

Ghosting is a behavior where a person suddenly stops communicating with you and offers no explanation. This can be particularly hurtful to the other person. Unfortunately, with the popularity of dating sites and the ability to make multiple connections online, ghosting has become commonplace, and it’s not very pleasant.

If you’re no longer receiving replies from your latest crush, you may be experiencing “ghosting.” This term, of English origin, literally means “ghosting” and refers to the act of no longer responding to messages without explanation.

Unfortunately, ghosting has become quite common in modern relationships, especially with the use of dating sites. This can be due to the cowardice of the person who prefers to avoid a difficult conversation or who does not want to hurt the other person by giving an explanation. However, it can also be very frustrating and painful for the person being ghosted.

Here are some examples:

When Arielle finds François too heavy.

“François, whom I met on Tinder, was very nice at first and very funny, a provocative specialist with funny jokes but a bit too misogynistic in the long run. It was embarrassing for me because I laughed at first. And I didn’t want to justify myself. So I disappeared. ”

For Annie, silence is worth a thousand words.

“It seemed difficult to say, ‘Sorry, I don’t think this is going to work.’ It wasn’t fear of his reaction, but rather fear of having to explain something that can’t necessarily be explained.”

Are you a victim of ghosting?

Understanding and recovering

Yesterday everything seemed so beautiful and today it’s hell.

Indeed, for the person who has been left, it will be necessary to mourn. And it is difficult to mourn without being able to give meaning to the end of the story.

Ghosting is a social phenomenon that has been on the rise in recent years with the proliferation of dating sites. The “I-want-I-take-I-throw-away” behavior is becoming commonplace. The relationship with others is increasingly becoming a relationship with the object. With one click, I get in touch and with one click I leave the person. It’s so much easier. And this cowardly attitude is no longer just a male practice.

The forgotten person will suffer an emotional wound from losing someone they were attached to, but will also be narcissistic because they will feel humiliated for not even deserving an explanation.

This situation is extremely psychologically violent, especially if the victim of ghosting has low self-esteem.

Who are these ghosters (those who leave)?

The Perverse Narcissists

They want to control the relationship, the other person, and their image until the very end. Abandonment is the final blow to their victim.

The seductresses

They don’t have time to waste on a breakup because they’re already onto new prey, they’ll disappear and play dead. They’re love addicts.

The Abandoners

They are dominated by abandonment anxiety. Out of fear of being abandoned, sooner or later, they will leave first to maintain control of the situation. To avoid being abandoned one day, they might as well give up right away.

Remedies for Ghosting

Learn to love yourself

You are precious and you must take care of yourself.

Loving yourself means forgiving yourself, taking action to heal the wounds of the past, accepting the past and giving meaning to events. Everything has meaning, everything has a reason for being. Loving yourself means no longer feeling like a victim , understanding that we can change things and become co-creators of our existence.

Don’t give up on yourself anymore

What hurts most about ghosting is the reactivation of the abandonment wound. There’s a sense of incomprehension and a powerful feeling of emptiness.

This feeling of emptiness is also that we have abandoned ourselves. In this desperate quest for love, we have given all power to the other and we have forgotten ourselves.

Find yourself again and don’t give up on yourself anymore. Start loving yourself like you’ve never been loved before.

Forgive yourself

One of the acts of love towards yourself will be to forgive yourself for your bad choices . After a while, when we are in the heart of the repetitive system, there is a little voice inside us that says to us: “but why does this happen to me all the time? Why do I always meet the same type of person?” When you ask yourself this question then you know that you are taking a new step. You will be able to understand and act differently.

Heal from this wound of abandonment

This step is essential to break out of the repetitive pattern. Your abandonment wound(s) have left an indelible mark on you. These wounds need to be understood and healed . So don’t hesitate to seek professional help. This professional will support you, understand you, and help you heal from your past pain.

Accept and anticipate

Accepting the casting error is healthy. The aftermath of ghosting can allow you to ask yourself the right questions. Reviewing the footage of the encounter and discovering the signals you didn’t want to see can help you next time. That way, you won’t be caught out again.

Give meaning to events

It’s difficult to grieve a relationship without explanations. To move on, we need to make sense of what happened. You’ll never have an explanation for your recent ghosting, and you need to come to terms with it. However, this episode may have meaning for you. Following this event, you’re likely able to understand something about yourself, become aware of something important, or decide something. Or simply become aware of the type of relationship you no longer want to experience.

How to grieve for a loved one?

A disconcerting experience, especially when you’re convinced your relationship is going great guns.

“We’d been dating for three months. She introduced me to her sister and her friends. Everything was going well for me, until she stopped giving me any news,” confides Laurent, 26. “Overnight, the sweet words she sent me by text were replaced by radio silence, she no longer answered my calls… After a few days, I started to worry, I tried to contact her relatives via Facebook… And I realized that she had blocked my access to her profile. That’s when I understood that she wanted nothing more to do with me.”

In addition to being particularly upsetting, ghosting compromises the grieving process of the relationship. In ghosting, this sense of meaning is denied to us, which makes things more difficult and can lead to anger or resentment. The ghosted person is left unable to react, which is frustrating and violent for them.

A simple text message – it’s over – would have been enough for me

These are feelings that Laurent experienced, adding , “I was angry, disappointed, and a little hurt: this girl didn’t even have the consideration to break up with me, she preferred to play dead. A simple text message – it’s over – would have been enough for me.”

For Victor, a 25-year-old painter, who has been ghosted several times by the same woman: “It’s quite disarming when someone leaves like that without warning. It prevents the other person from moving on because you’re just waiting. It’s humiliating too. It took me six months to accept that she wouldn’t come back.”

Louis, 26, didn’t give his ex the chance to remain silent. “I’m pretty pushy, after a while when people make fun of me, I get angry,” explains Louis. “I had to harass her to get a clear explanation, which I more or less received by text several weeks later, where she claimed to have met someone else. It took me three or four weeks to be able to say to myself: “this girl is a load of rubbish, she’s making fun of you.” Despite everything, I have the feeling that this experience has mainly made me more aggressive and cynical towards everything related to love and relationships in general.”

Contact our coaches, they can help you feel better if you are in any of these situations.