Fear of rejection

As terrible as shyness, the fear of rejection is a powerful brake on your amorous endeavors. If you suffer from it, you’ll need to find a way to control it, alleviate it, and maybe even turn it to your advantage. How ?

First, find out where this fear comes from. The first step in the process of understanding fear is to retrace its origins. It’s often hidden in early childhood, when one of the parents, without necessarily doing so by design, disappoints your expectations. Or in adolescence, when feelings are at their most exacerbated by the hormonal turmoil that characterizes this period. A single “no” in this troubled period of development is enough to cause a trauma that will form the basis of your fear of rejection.

For example, a birthday missed by a relative, a lack of reciprocity when you first fell in love, etc. Once you’ve identified the founding element, you need to analyze it and defuse its impact. Why was this event so difficult, so painful ? You were young, inexperienced, intense, excessive and, above all, not sufficiently equipped for life to understand that a small defeat should make you stronger. Now you can take a step back.

By the way, has the fact that this event took place mortgaged your future ? Did you completely miss out on life because of it ? Probably not. You’ve experienced some pleasant, perhaps even remarkable things, as you’ve developed various skills that have enabled you to advance in your personal quest.

Now, let’s tackle the real problem. There’s this woman (or women, depending on your appetite) you’re incredibly attracted to. But you don’t dare approach her because if she’s not interested in you, you’ll receive it very, very badly. In that case, you might as well live the fantasy, even if it’s often painful, rather than face the real peril and get a slap in the face.

Okay. But what have you really got to lose, apart from a little scratch to the ego ? The truth is, you’re amplifying the consequences that rejection could have on your sensitivity. That’s where it’s important to work. Let’s say this exceptional woman blows you off… Well, there’s no more harm than that. She’s not interested, so you simply have to move on to someone else.

No one is worth letting yourself die of grief after experiencing rejection. You have to live through these experiences as if they were bad roads you’ve taken. You tell yourself that you’ve simply taken a road that wasn’t going in the right direction. Then you retrace your steps and try a new fork in the road.

It shouldn’t be any more complicated than that. Accept the possibility that you may be wrong and continue your journey with enthusiasm. Life is too short to bother with unnecessary tragedies. If one door doesn’t open, don’t worry, just try to open the next one.