Sexy jokes

Asshole

A woman comes home after going to the gynecologist. Her husband asks her what the doctor told her about her health. The woman replies:

– He said I had the breasts of an 18-year-old girl!

– Ah, ah, ah! replies the mocking husband.

And he adds:

-And what did he say about your big asshole?

– Oh honey, we haven’t talked about you!

The virginity of a hen

The scene takes place in the countryside, two old women, still virgins, look out the window. A rooster is chasing a hen, who runs as best she can, crosses the road… and gets run over by a car.

– You see, said one of the old maids to the other, she preferred to die.

The husband who shows off

They’ve been married since morning. She’s a ravishing girl, but still a virgin. He’s a guy who’s a bit over the top. He begins to undress slowly in front of her, like Casanova would have done. And he declares, full of himself:

– Do you see this thing? Well, it’s called a penis!

– Yes, she said. Basically, it’s a kind of cock, only smaller…

MyZizi

Little Pierre’s mother, who was passing by the bathroom, surprised him masturbating in his bath:

– Pierre! You shouldn’t do that with your penis!

– Why? It’s my penis, and I wash it as fast as I want!

Asshole

A woman comes home after going to the gynecologist. Her husband asks her what the doctor told her about her health. The woman replies:

– He said I had the breasts of an 18-year-old girl!

– Ah, ah, ah! replies the mocking husband.

And he adds:

-And what did he say about your big asshole?

– Oh honey, we haven’t talked about you!

Souvenir photo

A couple is in a hotel room. The man asks his wife:

– Can I take a picture of you naked? It’s for a souvenir.

– No problem, but I’d also like to take a picture of you naked.

– Okay, is this also for a souvenir?

– No, it’s for an enlargement!

And the children

Alain and France have been married for 20 years… For 20 years, every time they make love, the husband insists they do it in total darkness. For 20 years, the wife has found this ridiculous, so one day she decides to break the habit. One evening, in the middle of their lovemaking, she turns on the light. She looks down and sees her husband holding a vibrator—soft, wonderful, and longer than a real penis.

“You bastard!” she cried. “How could you lie to me all these years?”

Her husband, without flinching in the slightest, looks her straight in the eyes and replies:

– OK, I’ll explain about the toy and you explain about the children.

Perpetual dispute

In the morning in the bathroom:

Him: Why are you wearing a bra? You’re wearing nothing!

She: You do wear underwear, don’t you?

Seeing her in her Eve outfit:

Him: Let’s have a quickie?

She: What difference will it make compared to other times?

It continues in the car on the way to work

Him: Shall we try a different position tonight?

Her: Yeah, good idea! You sit behind the ironing board and I’ll sit on the couch in front of the TV.

He is worried about his wife’s attitude:

Him: Why do you never tell me when you come?

Her: I would, but you don’t want me to call you at work…

He is becoming increasingly worried:

Him: You know: five centimeters more and I would be a king.

She: Yes, and two centimeters shorter, you would be a queen.

He decides to cut it short:

Him: Why are you staying with me?

Her: To have something to talk about at the office!

Arsenic

A woman walks into a pharmacy and asks for arsenic…

– What do you intend to do with it? the pharmacist asks him.

– It’s to kill my husband…

– What? You’re joking! I can’t sell you anything to commit murder!

The woman then opens her purse and takes out a photo of her husband sleeping with the pharmacist’s wife…

– Ah, obviously, the latter told him, since you have a prescription, it’s different…

Friendship…

Female Friendship: A woman doesn’t come home all night. The next morning, she tells her husband that she slept over at a friend’s house. The husband calls his 10 best friends. None of them confirm.

Male Friendship: A man doesn’t come home all night. The next morning, he tells his wife he slept over at a friend’s house. The wife calls her 10 best friends. Eight of them confirm that his husband slept over, and two even insist he’s still there!

Reproduction: instructions for use!

A little boy walks into the master bedroom and sees his father in the missionary position.

– What are you doing, Dad?

– Ah, said the father, I’m making you a little brother.

Some time later, he sees his mother over his father.

– What are you doing, Mom?

– Ah, I’m making you a little sister.

A few days later, he surprised his mother on all fours and his father had climbed up behind her. The little one, all joyful, began to shout:

– Great… Great… I’m going to have my little dog!